I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
