Already got asked if we're dating
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
