You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
