actually, I'm a sock model
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
