my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you win again, gameday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
