so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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