She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
