My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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