I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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