Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
