it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
