Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
