And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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