it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
