I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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