I heard we made out
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
