the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
