She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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