Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
