well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize