so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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