I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We are two peas in an std pod
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
