Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i think im in europe. pls send help
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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