I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
