Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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