Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
