We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
