I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
