"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
