her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
