i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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