I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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