Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
