i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
