So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
