Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
