I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
