hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
