just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
