Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
