IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
