I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
