pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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