The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
