he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
