He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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