Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
