you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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