watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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