Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i out mim tonsoeep
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
