Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
