the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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