Redeem this text for a blowjob
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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