last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
