I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just had sex bonerless
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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