I think im going to throw up on grandma
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
