I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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