Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
