Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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