you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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