highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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