dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
