Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
