So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
