what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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