Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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