At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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