What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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