the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
