one two three fourrrrnication!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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