chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
