I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
