Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize