my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
