dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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