you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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