Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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