Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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