you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
