I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
