return my video game
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize