what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
