States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
