Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
