three words: i give head
three words: not that well
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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