mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
