Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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