quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize