Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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