...so i touched it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
