i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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