I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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