i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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