Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize