I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
