Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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