HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
