my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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