So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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