Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
