Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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