I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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