I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
