I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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