So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
