Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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