Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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