It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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