Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
