I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
