what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize