Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
