fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
