i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
