I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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