So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
