Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
