it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
