I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
