I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize