I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
