One girl and one boy is just not enough.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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